In about two days I’ll be getting another year older and I thought since I was done with the whole holiday season that I’d sit down and do a little reminiscing. I’ve been so caught up in writing about my current situations and they have had nothing to do with clubbing what so ever. Not much of an After Party when I’ve spent two months bitching about stuff. I became that girl that people don’t want to talk to, because if they ask how I am I’ll just launch into one of my sob stories. So here I am with a look back to where I was a year ago. Not that this will really get things back on track, it at least involves me going out to a couple different clubs.
DECEMBER 2004
My birthday is three days after Christmas. This always means that I really don’t get to do anything exciting for it. My whole life it’s been tough getting people together because of them being out of town, broke, or sick. Christmas may be the season for giving, but it certainly is more like the season of exhaustion. It hasn’t all been bad. Two years ago the man in my life actually did an amazing job of surprising me with an afternoon on The Spirit of Washington Dinner Train, awesome tickets to the evening performance of The Nutcracker, and followed all that by taking me dancing at my favorite club. That will probably be an impossible thing to top.
Last year I tried to plan something similar for myself, I was in a relationship at the time but I had been planning for my birthday before he and I started dating. I was so desperate to NOT find myself sitting alone doing nothing on my birthday. This new guy just got inserted into my already set plans. Really it was great for him because it left the guess work out of what to do for me. I bought some awesome box seats in the newly remodeled Opera House for The Nutcracker. Since it was a Tuesday night I planned on going to Liquifi right around the corner and dance the night away to some local House DJ’s. All that should have been a darn good night on the town, but it didn’t turn out as good as I had hopped. It was merely the beginning to what I ended up calling the week from Hell.
Before I launch into the details I have to give a little background and some hindsight as to why things happened as they did. Jon and I had been dating since mid-September, but for several valid but really stupid reasons I was hesitant to totally commit. We had gone to the same High School, even had several classes together, but ran in totally different social circles. He was popular and I was definitely not. At the end of our senior year he straight up refused to sign my yearbook.
Since then I had talked to him only a couple times. A really close girlfriend of mine was tight with Jon and brought him with her to my twenty-first birthday party. After that we talked on the internet and last September we got together to hang out. Strangely enough it went really well and I found myself dating the guy who I would have referred to as a big jerk back in the day.
Now the hindsight to this whole affair is that I was a jerk to him. Even though we were operating on all other levels as a basic couple, I still would push him away and tell him that we were “just dating”. By December we were at the height of him trying to get me to communicate and I just would stay silent, never knowing how to express my reservations or explain myself really. Nothing worse than being pushed away and then getting silence when you need answers.
The first spark of problems was earlier in the week when Jon and I were working out the details for my actual birthday. He had picked the restaurant as a surprise, but I was the one with readily available car. I mentioned that I wanted to stop by work on the way to the restaurant to visit my co-workers and show off the formal dress I planned to wear. I wanted to run in, have a moment of “pretty time” and run back out again; not deal with the prolonged situation that bringing Jon in with me would probably cause. The crew would be busy doing cash-outs and closing down for the day. I wanted all of the flattery with none of the disruption. Unfortunately Jon felt I just didn’t want anyone to know we were together. He was horribly offended and yet again all I could do at the time was get defensive and not properly explain myself.
When the night actually rolled around Jon was coming off a long day of judging at a debate tournament. Basically the poor guy was exhausted, and after the photo op at his parent’s house thanks to his sister Jen, we headed out. It took about ten minutes before Jon was out cold to the point of snoring in my passenger seat as I drove into the city. I was almost happy. If he was sleeping now then maybe he’d be awake later in the night, and I figured I’d just duck into work to see my friends quickly without even having to wake him up.
When I parked the car, he woke up and was offended all over again, but I was being too stubborn to change my mind at that point. I just told him to go back to sleep and ran in to talk to my friends. Ironically they gave me shit for not bringing Jon in. They both kept asking if I had opened a window in the car, if I was going to treat him like a dog. Then they turned it around on me and asked if I was ashamed of them and that was why I didn’t want to bring my guy in to meet them. I was not winning points with anyone so far.
Back on the road, the silence was kind of awkward and I was feeling bad for leaving him in the car. Then again it was too late to do anything, what was done was done. Of course the fact that I didn’t express my regret to him was yet another problem. I decided to just concentrate on finding the mystery restaurant that Jon had made reservations for.
That turned into a fiasco right quick. The directions he had gotten off the internet were terribly vague and after four trips over the Magnolia Bridge and getting lost in the industrial warehouses that were in that area, he finally had to call the restaurant to get better directions. We were joking the entire time about how funny the whole thing was and that if we ever found the restaurant that would be the surprise alone.
I was totally surprised when we finally reached our destination. A beautiful place that was stretched out on the marina, the lobby alone was worth the adventure. By the door was a small waterfall that flowed into a pond, then out to a small stream, and then into another pond at the other end. A small bridge over the stream was how guests got from the lobby into the dining area. Totally gorgeous with plants and fish and all sorts of accents that just made the whole thing magical.
Waiting for me at the table were rose petals and a card wishing me a “Happy Birthday” from the restaurant. The dining area was set up in such a way that there was no bad seat for the view of the marina. I was horribly impressed as I sat down to look at the menu. Jon had done very well. The only downer on the meal was the fact that because we had gotten so lost, we were way behind schedule. It was almost impossible for us to get to the Nutcracker on time. I decided not to stress, it would only ruin our time together, and just sat back to have a great meal.
I drove like a bat out of hell on a full stomach as we continued our adventure. Parking was absolutely insane by the time we got there, and I had to improvise at the last minute which I totally hate. Parking is one of my biggest pet peeves and not only did I have some doubts on the safety of where I had parked my car but I paid more to only end up farther from my intended destination. To top that off the lot was “cash-only” and I had intended to pay with a card. Poor Jon had to pay for that as well.
From here Jon and I basically ran. Not only were we late but we had to run father because of where I had parked. In the nick of time we walked through the doors of the Opera House as they were starting to close them. We made it to our seats seconds before we would have been asked to wait till intermission. Once I was seated I was ecstatic about the seats I had bought. The box seats were just a two person row off to the left and right of the hall. Even though I prefer to be more down the middle, the view was closer than I was use to and it was definitely worth it.
Jon on the other hand ended up nodding off the whole time. I was so disappointed in the fact that his head kept bobbing off to the side that I started paying more attention to his twitching than the show. The whole thing just ended up being a lost cause. I gave up on keeping him awake and I gave up on having a good time really. So much for the Christmas spirit or salvaging the idea of having a wonderful evening like I had had the year before. I almost felt silly for trying to throw myself a birthday celebration. The part that had been the best two years before was that someone else had put so much thought into it and had done everything himself. You can’t really recreate that yourself.
When the play was over, the next stage had been to go over to a lounge where I had been spending practically every single Tuesday night. When I had told Jimmy that it was my birthday he agreed to meet me at Liquifi and celebrate with me. I was a little bit nervous about Jimmy meeting Jon, but Jimmy was great about making everyone feel accepted so I didn’t ponder it for very long. Jon had mentioned that he was nervous about going out dancing, since it wasn’t really his deal. I knew Jimmy would take Jon under his wing and all would be well. That being said it was still another hour before we could meet up with Jimmy and I didn’t know what to do to pass that time. We ended up driving around my old neighborhood and having what I remember being an awkward conversation. Suddenly I didn’t know what to say to Jon since he’d just been asleep for the most of the night and I was just so horribly disillusioned. I wasn’t having the great time I had hoped for.
Heading back into town and up the stairs to the Liquid Lounge, it was then that I realized how out of place I was dressed in my formal gown. I really didn’t care because I never do about that sort of thing. I like dressing up and hanging out in casual places. It’s a little bit of that “Halloween Syndrome”: going places like the grocery store while you’re in costume. You like the attention because you look different but stay confident about it because you had a good reason to be dressed that way. I knew I looked good in my dress so I didn’t care that I was getting odd looks from the other people in the lounge.
Jon bought us drinks and I was little surprised since I had never seen him drink before. By the time Jimmy showed up I was feeling pretty toasty and was hesitant to keep drinking since I was the one that had to drive. Jon and Jimmy talked for a few minutes and for the first time since dinner I relaxed. I could always rely on Jimmy to make anyone feel welcome and involved. He had that awesome ability.
I barely had a sip of the drink Jimmy bought me when he grabbed my hand and drug me out on the floor. Something else he was great for. None of that messing around “waiting to get drunk enough to dance” crap that most people do. The music was playing, therefore we should be dancing. I ended up staying on the floor and it was Jimmy that shoved Jon after me. Jon told me later he had gotten a pep talk from Jimmy about dancing and it had inspired him to give it a whirl. I was certainly glad that he had. Jon loved House music like I did and it was great to see him cut loose.
Even though Jon only stayed for a song, I was really happy. I was finally having a good night. Jon was dancing and living it up, Jimmy was being great about helping Jon feel at home in a spot that Jimmy had I pretty much lived at. It never really occurred to me to worry when I saw Jimmy and Jon having a little one-on-one action in the corner.
Jimmy came to me later to very bluntly say that the two of them had been talking about me. He apparently liked Jon and was glad that Jon really seemed to care a lot about me. Dropping all of this on me he walked off toward the bar. I shrugged figuring those were good things and went back to drinking and dancing.
When Jon and I left for the night I had consumed way more alcohol than I should have and gave him the keys to drive us home. Now the details here are rather fuzzy but I’m pretty sure that Jon only waited long enough to get to the interstate before he unloaded his side of the story to me. Jon’s not the sort to hold things in or beat around the bush. For all the good things that Jimmy said they had talked about, Jon had a different story to tell.
Jimmy apparently laid it on a little thick about his own personal interest in me which immediately pissed me off. What a terrible thing to say to Jon! Jon was very upset about the fact that Jimmy didn’t seem to know that we were dating; which just made him launch into his whole spiel about the fact that it seemed like I was hiding our relationship from people. Around and around that argument went to the point that I was bawling in the passenger seat of my own car. The whole thing was a misunderstanding since it wasn’t like I told Jimmy every single thing that happened in my life. Since I cut off the idea of Jimmy and I dating he had stayed a close clubbing friend. A clubbing friend is someone you only see when you go out. You only talk about clubbing stuff, not who you’re dating or what you did in your spare time.
I remember sitting outside his house in the driveway trying to dry my tears and decide whether I was going to cut ties with Jon or not. I never had the answers to the questions he asked. He had a right to know them. I had nothing to say. A hug and a kiss goodnight almost seemed silly. As I drove home from his place I was still less than sober and so emotionally mixed up. I didn’t know what to do. I was sad that Jon was hurt, I was angry that Jimmy had started some shit when he shouldn’t have, and I was angry for how CRAPPY of a night my birthday had ended up being.
It didn’t stop there. The next day I went out with my friends from work and had a completely awesome time at our usual hangout. Ben had insisted that my boss Christian drive me up there so I could drink. But this was an Ale House, and since I don’t drink beer that left me drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade. It takes a lot of work to get really drunk on something like that. Needless to say I felt bad for Christian who had gone out of his way to drive me, when really he hadn’t needed to. Then again riding with Christian is a freakin’ adventure; any chance to take advantage of that I always jumped on.
Having dinner with those guys and opening the presents I got, which were all Catwoman related, was enough to make up for whatever heartache I had gotten from the night before. I got a free meal from the Ale House and the guys all paid for my drinks. This just strengthened my love for the friends I had found in my work place. Not a lot of people were lucky enough to find friends like this. Every single person that was sitting around that table with me had been there, through thick and thin, for me.
When Christian drove me back to my car, here’s where a bit of hindsight would have done me a great deal of good. The best possible thing would have been for me to have gone straight to bed. But I was pretty buzzed and feeling good about life. I had the next day off and damn it I wanted to go dancing. When I want to go dancing there’s only one person to call: Jimmy.
Even though he had caused some major fur to fly the night before because of what he had said to Jon, I was beyond caring at that point. I just wanted to keep the good times rolling. My actual birthday had been a bust so I was going to make a better memory if it killed me! Besides this was like a sure thing! Jimmy and I had been on so many other successful adventures, I was damn determined that he and I would paint the town that night.
This was a guy that I had met in a club and even though he was a short, Mr. Clean looking Korean, he caught my eye originally because he was dancing alone and dancing well. Anyone could tell that he was really into the House music. When I did talk to him it wasn’t all pick-up lines. He merely wanted a dance partner, someone who he could go out with and liked to dance just as much as he did. Something I’ve always been looking for! It would have been awesome if I had been attracted to him as well, but he turned into a great friend.
Jimmy and I created a plan of attack as I drove home; I also filled him in on what had happened the night before, leaving out the part that I was mad at him for. With the frame of mind I was in, everything from yesterday was water under the bridge. Quickly changing my clothes and donning my hat, I headed back north. Finding his apartment was going to be my next adventure. The area was one I knew sort of well from hanging out with co-workers.
Parking my car in a fenced lot that was right next to his apartment complex, the sign at the entrance stated it was technically for the church across the street. Jimmy assured me it was a safe, free place to park and that was where he consistently parked since he had moved in. Some part of me had doubts since he never paid for parking; my theory on why he had gotten away with it for so long was that no one wanted to tow the massive Infinity SUV he drove. Yet again my need to just go have fun ASAP turned over my better judgment and I hopped right into his car, not giving the situation another thought.
Downtown we went to this spot Jimmy claimed was pretty fun on a Wednesday night. It was a bar/club/pool hall that was also right around the corner from one of our favorite dancing spots. If the place we started at ended up sucking then we could just go around the corner or walk up another block to where there was a million little hole-in-the-wall clubs and bars. The fact that Jimmy was planning ahead for multiple stops made me all giddy as well. I’d never been club hopping before.
Street parking wasn’t to be found and the lot he chose to stash his massive vehicle was fresh with brand new tow warning signs. This was another of those crappy “cash only” lots that seem so archaic. Who the heck was going to have cash like that in their wallet, who wasn’t heading to a strip club? Of course Jimmy only had twenties and we pondered the reality of getting towed. The abundance of new signs really just made us both nervous. Our ultimate decision was to head into the bar, dance a little, get a few drinks and some change before we made the long walk back to the car again.
I had never been to this place but I had heard a lot about it in the past. Inside was dark; the only lighting was from the tradition green shaded lights over the billiards tables. The dance floor was this small square off to the end of the building that very much had the feel of a last minute addition. The DJ stood behind an island counter right on the enclosed wood floor. I wasn’t that impressed but Jimmy seemed happy to be dancing there so I jumped in with both feet. I’ll say it again; I was out to have a good time if it killed me.
After a drink and a shot, and dancing to several songs we headed out the door again to pay for parking. The place was starting to fill up more, and not just with pool players; the dance floor was starting to pack in with people I recognized as regular dancer/clubbers. Apparently this was the place to be on a Wednesday night.
The journey to the door hit a major snag when Jimmy saw someone he knew and started chatting with them. I stood off a ways watching a couple of the pool games while I waited. When it comes to Jimmy the conversation could be a two minute “What’s up!” or a twenty minute “So how’ve ya been?” I was prepared for either, I was having fun and looking forward to a little cold air.
Suddenly a shadow crossed my line of sight and I glanced up to find my DJ friend staring down at me. He was the big time entertainment director for the club around the corner and we really hadn’t spoken since he had achieved that title. That would put it at about six months or more. For once he seemed really happy to see me. We hugged and he started asking me all sorts of questions. How was I? Was I still working at the same place? How was life? How was Janai? Tons of personal questions that just blew me away because he remembered all sorts of details from so long ago and the fact that he would even care enough to ask the questions in the first place.
The more we talked, the more excited I became. He and I hadn’t talked like that in FOREVER and it was so nice. All those late nights that Janai had I had gone with him to Denny’s and expounded about clubbing, music, and everything else under the moon. I had always appreciated his inquisitive mind, and back then I had really felt he was a good friend. It had been summer time when he advised me that I was getting a little too involved in my support of him and basically asked me to leave him alone. I was so hurt that he had felt all my support was based off of some sort of unhealthy attraction. Everything that I had done for the sake of a friendship that I had valued was all misunderstood. That is one thing I can’t stand: being misunderstood. Anything I could have said to defend myself would have only made me sound more like a stalker to him and I let the whole thing pass by in silence. He hadn’t really understood me or my motives. It wasn’t worth the fight.
Yet here he was, acting like nothing had ever happened. Maybe he had missed me. I really liked that idea. I’m such a sucker for the idea that my presence has enough of an effect on someone that they would miss me. One of his next questions stopped me in my tracks and if I could have known the future, this moment would have been a good turning point. “So is that guy over there you’re boyfriend?” I laughed at the idea of Jimmy being my boyfriend and told him no. I explained it was my birthday and we were just hanging out celebrating. At this point it was like Jimmy had heard his name and came over to meet my friend. (For the sake of simplicity I’ll refer to my DJ friend as “DJ F” from here on out) DJ F immediately recognized Jimmy as someone who was always with another DJ friend of his which launched them into a healthy conversation.
After a short chat that had the three of us laughing Jimmy nodded toward the door and I remembered we had been heading out to pay for parking. “Are you leaving?” DJ F seemed upset at the idea and I was secretly pleased. He had missed me! I assured him that we would be back after we paid for parking. Out the door we went into the cold with Jimmy punching me in the arm and singing, “Someone has a crush!” Did I have a DJ crush? I was feeling just a little Toasty and didn’t want to ponder that question. If Jimmy was right, then DF F had been correct in telling me to shove off that last summer. But Jimmy wasn’t right! I had never seen DJ F as someone I could date nor ever thought of myself as someone he would see that way. I voiced my defense only to have Jimmy laugh again. “No silly! Your brother man back there. He’s the one with the crush!” Now that was absolutely ridiculous! Absolutely! Wasn’t it? Was it? Anything was possible with the way I was feeling. I didn’t care, and I wasn’t going to worry about it. I had some dancing to do and if I was lucky I had some more intelligent conversation waiting as well.
As we passed the club around the corner Jimmy and I were both shocked to find a line around the block. So much for heading to that spot next if we decided to leave our current location. Who would have thought on a Wednesday night there would be people lining the sidewalk to get inside, but I remembered that the club had changed its musical format. Anything was possible when you played Hip Hop music and charged a cheep ass cover. All the owners had ever cared about was getting more bodies in the door. Who cares if they had to sell themselves out as a House club to do it?
Parking paid and peace of mind secured we hurried back across the busy street to get someplace warm. The night was damp and frigid and I was only wearing my usual clubbing coat: a light zip up hoodie that I could care less if something happened to it. I did wish it would block out more of the cold though. Once back in the pool hall I knew it would just end up stashed in a corner while I broke another sweat on the dance floor. Glancing around as I walked past the bar quickly, I didn’t see DJ F at all and followed Jimmy to dance, feeling just a little disappointed. Oh well, it had been good to see him for a short while at least.
Jimmy sent me to the bar for more drinks and there I found DJ F chatting with some girl and the bartender. The female bartender was going on and on about what an awesome DJ and what a great guy he was to the girl sitting to his left. I thought the whole thing was just hilarious until it took me almost fifteen minutes to wade through the shit she was spewing about him in order to get a damn drink. He and I had a little small talk and I disappeared again knowing that I didn’t want to be a cock block. He apparently was working his mack and I was not about to get in his way. I had bruises that came from a girl that felt like I was moving in on her “meal ticket”. That’s another great story that I’ll save for another post.
Yet I couldn’t resist, when I saw DJ F standing alone watching the dance floor, I left Jimmy, who was working his mack on some little brunette, and stood beside him chatting. This only led back to the bar and him buying drinks for Jimmy and I. Delivering Jimmy his drink, I just went right back to the bar and DJ F. We talked about the club he was in charge of and what was going on there. We talked about my job and how I needed to find a different one that paid better. We talked about the music and style trends for the city and how clubs seemed to be selling out to the Hip Hop craze in order to stay afloat financially. We also reminisced over old times. DJ F still went golfing with the old general manager and one of the bartenders that I had known well from a club down south. Many long nights I had spent hanging out down there after hours, helping clean and close down.
The whole time we were talking I knew he had to be drunk. He mentioned the fact that he was suppose to be next door working but had come over here to get away for a while. I was heading toward “Fuzzy” myself. It was when he started hitting on me that I should have realized trouble would ensue. My judgment was far from functioning and I just took it all as friendly compliments. After buttering me up, DJ F dared me to find him a cigarette, which I strangely just turned around and proceeded to do. I’m not the daring type, not even when I’ve been drinking. His compliments had just made me feel like I could do anything.
Seeing two guys light up at the other end of the bar I rolled up all nonchalant and asked for one. Refusing the lighter the guy on the right was trying to flash at me, I leaned in between them and lit the cigarette from the candle that was on the bar, thus brushing up on both of them at the same time as I leaned in. Taking just one drag, I continued to chat with both guys. There was something insanely powerful about descending on two average looking guys and seeing more than idle interest in both their expressions. As I kept talking DJ F rolled up from the side and I passed over the cigarette like some sort of “slight of hand” magic trick. Cutting the conversation off right there, I could tell they knew they’d been ‘had’ as I walked away with DJ F who was happily puffing away on his stolen cigarette. I felt like a down right Diva, having pulled that whole nonsense off so easily.
Jimmy returned from the dance floor seeming rather miffed that I had basically been ignoring him. Problem was I was beyond caring. Poor Jimmy got shoved to the way side as I continued to pursue my new adventure. Disappearing to the bathroom with a frown Jimmy really seemed unhappy with me. DJ F leaned in and stated quite plainly that he was drunk and asked if I was going to take care of him like I had before when we use to hang out. Of course, like an idiot, I eagerly replied that I would take care of him. I did ask what the hell had made him email that letter asking me to leave him be. He gave me this vague answer of us being on a different page at the time. He didn’t feel I understood where he was coming from. I just shrugged and took that as an answer, he seemed happy enough to be hanging out with me then so everything else was in the past.
When Jimmy returned DJ F announced that he had to get back to work and that we should come with him. I pointed out that there was a line to get inside the last time we had checked and DJ F just shrugged. “I’ll get ya past the line, don’t worry.” With that we headed out the door and followed him around the corner. All I could think was how freaking cool it was to pass up that long ass line and have the bouncer at the door unhook the velvet rope to let us by. It was so incredibly VIP that I had a mini Rock Star moment just walking in the door. The people who were stuck waiting at the door were giving me the eye, trying to figure out what made me so dang special.
Stopping at the side bar, DJ F bought Jimmy and I both drinks. I knew that I was done for the night if I was going to stay in a coherent manner in order to get myself home. Standing out of the way of traffic I suddenly realized I hadn’t shared my harrowing stories of Go-Go auditioning to him. The club I was standing in had the best dancers in town and I was so incredibly envious. I only started to mention that I gone through two crappy attempts at auditioning before he stopped me. “You want to dance at those crappy places? Why don’t you dance here?”
Ummm … HELLO I would LOVE to dance for this club! What an incredibly awesome and yet stupid question! What girl wouldn’t love to have a job here? “We should talk about that,” was his final statement as he motioned for me to follow him. I was to the point of screaming for joy as I grabbed Jimmy and drug him behind me as I followed DJ F through the back kitchens of the club.
With a nod to the bouncer that guarded the stairs on the dance floor, we were ascending into DJ territory. The booth was a metal cage that leaned over a waterfall and I hadn’t been behind that whole set up since the remodel. I had also forgotten about the low beams that had nearly taken my head off the last time I had ventured back there. Looking out on the dance floor from on high was such a wild perspective. I knew the landmarks so well from the floor looking up, but not in the reverse. Dancing on the floor and looking up, the DJ seems so distant and oblivious but really the person behind the tables has an eagle’s eye view of anyone on the floor. Good for those jealous DJ boyfriends that want to keep an eye on their girl.
This was Jimmy’s first time behind the scenes and as it turned out the DJ that was spinning at the moment was someone he admired. I was so overwhelmed and giddy it was ridiculous. Hours ago I was having beers with co-workers regretting that an early bed time was my only event for the evening and now here I was talking with a friend of mine that I had thought hated me, standing behind a well known local Hip Hop DJ, and staring down at the dance floor from the back reaches of the club. So freakin' crazy! Yet the other track I was on was getting DJ F to continue on his thought process when he had said we should talk about dancing. There was no way on God’s green earth I was going to let that slide.
When I tried to strike the conversation back up I found myself yanked into a bathroom adjacent to a green room while DJ F proceeded to relieve himself. The last thing I saw as the door slammed was Jimmy’s shocked face. I was horribly embarrassed and stared up at the ceiling until he was back in proper order. I rationalized that little display as him being very drunk and just oblivious. The whole time he had been trying to talk to me and I was too out of sorts to respond. As the toilet flushed, he turned to see me trying to hide a blush under my lowered hat and just laughed at me. “Aw com’mon I thought you were more of a free thinker than that.” I felt sort of stupid then for being childish about the situation. He was just using the restroom; it wasn’t like he had been waving a piece of his personal anatomy at me.
Scurrying after him to the DJ area, I noticed Jimmy was downstairs dancing. After what he had seen I knew he had to be very angry with me and the sheer fact of the matter was that I had been inexcusable ignoring him. Since DJ F showed up I had basically left Jimmy hanging. Jimmy had been nothing but great for hanging out with me last minute, driving my ass around, and buying me drinks. Here I was running off with some other guy and acting like I wasn’t even hanging out with Jimmy in the first place. Problem was, only part of that thought process was filtering past my overwhelmed state. The minute I started realizing what an ass I was being, I was involved in another introduction or DJ F would bring the dancing thing back up again.
Next thing I knew the club was doing last call and closing down. I was still sitting up stairs watching the whole process in an oblivious state. DJ F made mention of the fact that we should hit up the Denny’s for food or that I should take him back to my place and fix him breakfast. That was something I had tried long ago which had ended in a culinary disaster. I refused the latter option reminding him that it was Janai that cooked, not me.
I also realized at that moment that my good friend Jimmy who had driven me was now kicked out of the club and I was going to be stranded if I didn’t get my butt in gear. Grabbing up my stuff I explained my situation to DJ F and expected him to invite Jimmy along with us or just say goodnight. Instead he surprised me by saying he would just drive me back to my car, something else we use to do so long ago. Janai use to leave the club early in the night because she had to work and after some steak and eggs, DJ F and I would head back up to my car parked outside Janai’s apartment. Thinking nothing of that either I agreed and at DJ F’s urging called Jimmy to let him know that I was fine and I had a ride back to my car. I could tell Jimmy was really upset with me, but I really didn’t care. Any second DJ F and I would get down to business and I could possibly have the part time job of my dreams.
As the other employees said their goodbyes and the lights got turned out, we didn’t move. I remember thinking that the looks they gave DJ F were rather suggestive and yet I wrote it off as people thinking DJ F was after me. I was a friend not some tramp stamp he picked up off the dance floor. Instead of grabbing his stuff to head out, he headed toward the green room. In the dark with my hat pulled down I tried to follow and forgot to duck. Completely nailing my head on a low beam I nearly blacked out. Recovering and feeling embarrassed yet again I hurried to catch up hoping he hadn’t heard the cracking of my skull as it had connected with wood. From the pain that was pushing my brain around I knew I had to be bleeding yet nothing was running in my eyes so I drove on without thinking to hard about it. I figured what injury I had caused myself would be hidden by the hat anyway. Coming into the room I found DJ F sprawled out on the couch looking for all the world like he was dead asleep. From this moment on things got ugly.
As plain spoken as he had increasingly gotten, this was no exception. Yet the things coming out of his mouth now were shocking. He wanted to fool around. No, I take that back; “fool around” is a lame word for this situation. He wanted to get busy. I was confused at first, trying so hard to rationalize it away as a joke or sarcasm. After that I just felt betrayed. It all became clear that he had kept me there thinking we’d talk about the dancing opportunity so that he’d get me alone in an empty club. Now I was faced with the real reason he wanted hang out. It was sort of flattering in a sick way. I did admire the man, and for him to think that I was up to his standard, was flattering. But as he become more insistent I realized I had sent my ride home thinking I was set for the night. I was stranded with the man.
I tried to be clever and made all sorts of excuses as to why messing around wasn’t a great idea. He kept vetoing every one skillfully. Rationalizing that I was just worried he’d make a one night stand out of it, he asked if promising to take me out for lunch the next day would make me feel better. I was getting desperate and horribly disillusioned as to how DJ F viewed me as a person and had for all this time. What the hell kind of girl did he take me for? Was it just the alcohol talking? Had I accidentally given him the wrong idea? Even some part of my sick brain wondered if I shouldn’t just go for broke. Didn’t I want to be a dancer?
My last option was to make it seem urgent I get back to my car because Jimmy had my stuff. At this DJ F got angry. Exploding, he ranted that the idea of Jimmy not giving me my stuff back at a later date was ridiculous. Sitting up from the couch he continued to go off. “You should have just admitted that you were dating this guy and I wouldn’t have tried to get into someone else’s territory.” What the hell did that have to do with anything? I got mad that he was accusing me of lying to him but I had dug myself in too deep with my excuses. The more I tried to get around the whole thing, the angrier he got. Throwing an arm over his eyes and laying back on the couch again he stated quite plainly that he was done with women and their games and that I was no different than the rest of them. He was done. When at last I demanded he take me home he just laughed. “I’m too messed up to drive. Sorry.” The guy was my ride and not only had he never planned to talk about dancing, he also never planned to drive me back to my car apparently. Or maybe he’d just figured that us knocking the boots would go for long enough that he’d be sober enough to drive when he was done with me. When I asked how the hell I was suppose to get back to my car he shrugged and told me to call my boyfriend.
Now I was pissed off beyond belief. This guy was a complete and total asshole. Making the outlandish claim that I’d walk to my car if I had to, I got words I’ll never forget. “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.” Feminine pride flared up like a wildfire and I threw my coat on with a flourish. The fucker could rot in hell before I’d ever take anything resembling help from him. Winding my way out to the back door as I vaguely remembered; I made sure to slam the screen on the door as loud as possible. Out I walked into the parking lot with a purposeful stride until it struck me where I was, what had just happened, and how really far away my car was. The cold night air raced in my thin coat and I looked to my cell phone to see what time it was; three-thirty in the morning.
This was exactly like a nightmare I’d had before. I was standing in the same parking lot facing the same situation I had dreamed about. This wasn’t a dream. This was real. I had to get my shit together if I was going to make it through the night. I just started walking, figuring this would keep me warm and any movement toward my car, while I figured out my plan of attack was, only got me that much closer.
My first thought was to call Jimmy. My cell phone refused to dial out. All I could get was a little warning window that said I could only make emergency calls. This was an emergency! Try after try I was really starting to panic. My cell phone wasn’t working at all. What the hell was I going to do?
Moving up a block I looked around at my options. There were no taxi’s to be found, but then again I had no money so that wasn’t very useful. There were also no cops to be seen. That didn’t make my journey through town feel very safe. If I had a problem I wanted to know I could just flag one down like a taxi or at least just throw myself in front of a patrol car if I needed to. No such luck. I kept right on walking; deciding to just plot my safest course from where I was to where I needed to be, all the while messing with my phone praying to God I got it to work.
As a gentleman in dark clothing suddenly picked up the pace behind me I realized how completely exposed I was to the city. I had no one with me, I had no where to run to, and I had no way to run. I didn’t even have a proper coat at this point. What the hell was I going to do? There wasn’t a single place open that I could go into for the sake of warmth and safety. Noticing a girl that looked like she was heading out for work or the bus, I jogged across the road to fall into stride a few steps behind her. I hoped that added numbers or at least witnesses would help my case. Thankfully it did seem to help, the man in black melted away.
Now I was just following this girl for the sake of protection. I still had no idea where I was going or what the best idea would be for getting to where my car was parked. Every way I looked at the city, all I could see was the nasty parts of town I’d have to traverse in order to get where I needed to go. If I already had some freaky guy following me just a minute ago, the LAST thing I wanted to do was try and walk through neighborhoods that scared me in the daytime while I was with a group of friends.
I finally got my phone to work and yet I was operating on a low battery as well. Turning the damn thing off and on was a risk that it wouldn’t turn back on. At the moment I could call 911 if I needed to; if the phone wouldn’t even turn back on I’d be completely fucked. I proceeded to just call Jimmy repeatedly and changed my direction of travel. I could see a hotel from my line of sight and made a bee line for it. At least I’d be out of the cold and could hide from the weird people. If the phone died I could probably make a call from the front desk.
The hotel lobby was grundey on the inside which was just amplified by the stark white that everything else was, or had been at one time. In the back of my mind I remembered the stories of this being the haunted hotel as well, but really had no time to ponder that one all the way out. For the time being this was my safe place. The guy at the desk was middle-aged and balding. He glanced up at me as I walked in as if surprised that someone should ever come through that door. With a small and shaky voice I tried to explain as briefly as possible that I was stranded and just need to make a phone call in a warm place. He shrugged and went back to the lap top he was watching DVD’s on, never giving me a second glance.
Sinking into a chair that faced away from the guy and his loud ass laptop I just kept dialing Jimmy’s number hoping I would wake him up sooner or later. Ultimately I could have just called my parents, but I had moved some of my presents into Jimmy’s apartment and he was a bit of a pain to get a hold of sometimes. I hadn’t been lying to DJ F about that. I also knew Jimmy was ten minutes away while my parents would be like an hour. The bottom line was that I was so horribly ashamed about ultimately sticking myself in my current situation that I couldn’t face my parents right then, if I could help it.
It felt like an eternity before Jimmy answered the phone. I’m sure he could tell that something was wrong because he didn’t ask “why” he just asked “where” and said he’d come get me. The sight of his big red SUV was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I ran outside and gave him the biggest hug ever! It was when he asked me what had happened that I broke down. I started to cry and shake and just feel all the horror wash over me for the first time that night. I realized that even though I had been aware of my situation, I had been too damn determined to get to my car and worry about everything else later.
I found myself on Jimmy’s couch, drinking juice and being wrapped in a blanket. He was assuring me that I should just go to sleep for now and worry about going home later. It was very early in the morning and I shouldn’t drive in my emotional state. The idea was really appealing and as I lay down, I really pondered sleeping right there. The problem was that Jimmy was taking his comforting to a rather over baring level and squished onto the futon couch with me. He was still talking all quietly to me and rubbing my arms and shoulders, but as I started to drift off to sleep I could feel his hands wander and his lips on my cheek and neck. I was awake like a shot. Mumbling something about having been through a terrible experience, I just couldn’t sleep. Grabbing up my stuff I basically bolted for the door and down to my car.
I don’t remember driving home. I remember dealing with the memory of what had happened when I woke up very late the next day. I had a nasty looking head injury that my hat had been hiding and a lot of stark reality to deal with. Yet I honestly didn’t want to deal with it all at once. It was like a bad dream to me at that point. I ended up pulling a Scarlet O’Hara and told myself to “worry about that tomorrow”.
My week continued with a trip to Issaquah to visit a friend of mine. Nothing spectacular to report except for the fact that after a somewhat lovely evening out with a good friend I spent the rest of the night completely sick with food poisoning. I returned to work on New Years Eve having had no sleep and still feeling ill. Just when I thought it was getting better, an hour into work I mumbled briefly to Ben to let Christian know I had gone down stairs and proceeded to fight both blacking out and a migraine for the next two and a half hours. I felt horrible!
As is the tradition, Christian tried to send me home and I refused. This time I had a valid reason other than sheer stubbornness. I couldn’t drive anyway with the migraine sitting in my eyes and making it impossible for me to focus. So instead I sat downstairs in our office, with the lights out, bound and determined to feel better as soon as possible. I had spent seventy dollars on tickets for a big New Year’s event that night and was not going to miss out. New Years was something else I was trying desperately to plan for myself, the last several years had been rather depressing.
In the end I did feel well enough to go back to work and finished out my day. Going straight home and jumping into bed, I took a nap hoping that would help. As it always seems to work out, I just felt disconnected from life when I woke up and still horribly sick to my stomach. I knew I couldn’t drink and that sort of bummed me out. Another New Years would be spent sober and I had gotten Jon to drive just for that expressed purpose, that and I didn’t want the hassle of parking.
Dressing up enough to feel generally attractive and festive but still comfortable we headed downtown to the convention center where the event was being held. This was to be a massive House party. Three stages were promised with some very big names on the bill. Over a hundred DJ’s from all over would be spinning that night and it just sounded wonderful. The all-ages thing had sort of put me off, but I figured that anyone under the age of eighteen was still listening to Hip Hop anyway, so it wouldn’t be a problem.
I was dead wrong. As we walked from the parking garage toward the door in the bitter cold it was a sea of fourteen to sixteen year olds, blatantly drinking in the parking garage and just generally being obnoxious outside the convention center. Once inside I hoped to relax but I just couldn’t. It was like a damn field day for these kids. No parents and no supervision. All the commotion as well as the music was just giving me a headache again and I’d never felt so damn old in my life.
As soon as I’d settle down and get a good spot in the crowd to watch a DJ, twenty kids would come thrashing through the crowd and stand next to me in order to smoke weed. I thought I was nauseous before, but as the freakin’ marijuana followed me wherever I seemed to go in order to escape. It got to the point that I was going to hurl any way and end up going home before midnight.
So many people under the age of eighteen were dressed up for Halloween. I guess when they read House music they automatically thought Rave. There were glow sticks as far as the eye could see and strange costumes that just didn’t make any sense to me. Then again, I was never a Raver and had missed that whole part of being under twenty one. By about ten-thirty at night I was willing to accept anything as long as there were no joints being smoked in my general area.
I was beginning to wonder if I had just been a dumb ass and bought tickets to a kiddie event after a while. When I started seeing people I knew from the club circuit I felt a whole lot better. I had recognized a lot of big named DJ’s when I had decided to buy the tickets in the first place; I hated to think that something better was going on in the city and everyone else was there having a better time.
Jon and I traveled back and forth between the two main stages people watching and checking out the acts. No matter how hard we looked, we couldn’t find a program and had to wait to see what act was announced next to figure out who we were watching. That almost made it an adventure. This one old school DJ completely blew my mind. With three turn tables he had the beats for the song on the first one, the vocals on the second, and scratched on the third. Watching him work over those three turntables was just truly amazing.
On the completely opposite end of the spectrum, we ended up spending most of our time at the other stage where the music was more to our liking. It had been down a hallway with the stage planted at the end of it. This amplified the music hardcore as well as crammed the people in tighter. It was impossible to dance and that depressed me. But at eleven-thirty BT came on the stage with his laptop and started spinning (I guess that would be more mixing than spinning). He looked exactly like his album covers, which seemed so odd. Ice blonde hair spiked up and sporting a blazer he had a Miami Vice look going. The laptop immediately disappointed me because I wondered what he could really do to show his style when he was just pointing and clicking. That was nothing compared to the DJ we had watched on the other side with three turntables.
It ended up being about his awesome musical choices. Starting out with a great Hard House remix of Nirvana “Smells Like Teen Spirit” that went immediately in to a similarly remixed old AC/DC song “Dynamite”. These were such awesome remixes that I had never heard. I’ve always loved the idea of taking the old and making it new again. For all my friends that loved seventies rock or were Grundge addicts, it was like the ultimate bridging of musical tastes. It just made dance music that much more universal. House was like a reflection of life. It could take inspiration from any source and spit it back out in a way that spoke to both the original and the new. Everything about that moment was so freaking cool!
When ever he played one of his own songs he was screaming out the lyrics at the top of his lungs, leading us all like one huge choir. I had to admire the man who had put out tons of CD’s, a lot of original music, and had been a master of remixing other famous artists. The fact that he could still shout along to an original song he had put out early in his career really spoke, I thought, to his passion for House music as a whole. He hadn’t forgotten a project once he was done with it. He didn’t go home after being on tour and put all that music aside to listen to Rap or something else completely different.
BT rang in the New Year dancing around behind his laptop and singing as loud as he could. That had to have been the coolest thing I’d ever had the chance to witness. The unity of musical passion, and just the need to express yourself by dancing to that music was there in that hallway at midnight, which had been all I was looking for when I bought the tickets.
When BT came off the stage, Jon and I turned to go. I was fading fast and feeling incredibly sick again. We had at least made it to an incredible performance and kissed at midnight. I had accomplished all my goals.
As Jon drove us home I was still disappointed that I hadn’t managed to have a deliriously wonderful time for seventy dollars. Everything that I had tried to do in the last several days had turned out both good and bad all at the same time. As for us, he and I were at least back to acting normal and he was taking good care of me. When he dropped me off at my house and I kissed him goodbye I remembered walking into my room feeling so very uncertain about the coming year.
Looking back on that situation of being stranded, I know that is why a lot of my clubbing habits have changed. My obsession with pockets and parking close by can trace its linage back to this experience. When I told any of my friends about it later, everyone shook their heads. “You should have known better,” was something I heard a lot of. The thing of it was, if I had hardly known the guy I NEVER would have put myself in that situation. I am a very smart girl. I’m also a very trusting person once I’ve made friends. I was doing the exact same thing I had done almost a year ago with the same person. Only this time it all went wrong. Hindsight tells me that I could have seen plenty of red flags, but at the time I was indeed too overwhelmed with the idea of being in his good graces again, and the alcohol didn’t help either. I was an idiot. That really is the bottom line.
Then again for all my bitching that it was a week from hell, the worst of that could have been INCREDIBLY worse. I am thankful for the lessons I learned and the chance to move on with that knowledge.
I really hope that both my birthday and New Years are different this year.
