How Did I Get Here?

How did I get here…. How did I let myself get here? I sit at home alone on a Saturday night sending out text messages to people I haven’t seen in a while only to get no responses or worse yet, get responses from people I really shouldn’t be talking to.
I sit here feeling completely insecure about the romantic situation I am in or about to be out of, and I wait. I wait for every text message and read something else out of it when I do get them.
I sit here playing a computer game that I played back in college, while I should be supporting a friend of mine who is having a very important show tonight. Instead I reminisce about how I use to play this game to get through my breaks at work because no one would talk to me on the crew I was supervising.
I sit here playing this computer game while an old flame text messages me provocative messages that just make me want to cry because it reminds me that no man in my life has ever respected me or really appreciated me. They only think of me much later when they have a moment to think about how great I was to them. I’ve always had this depressive little thought but tonight I realized it’s not out of sense of new found appreciation that they call out of the blue or text me. It’s because they remember how easy it was to get me to take their shit. That’s what they want from me now. The same as it was that they wanted from me then.
How did I get here? I’m desperately smitten with a guy that I don’t think really feels more for me than that of a kitten or a fuzzy little animal. I’m good for companionship and great fun to play with when he’s in the mood, but other than that I’m best kept in my kennel or room, or hell, even at the damn pet store until he wants to come back and visit me next week
I sit here crying for my past that I’m amazed to say I have, but hate to look back on when I think that it paved the way to getting right here… to this moment. I’m almost thirty, sitting at home on a Saturday night trying to find something to do other than sit at home and yet I ignore the important things I should be doing, and merely get depressed at the ridiculous offers that are rolling in.
Have I always let people abuse me? Is there anyone that truly cares about me out there? I do this to myself honestly. I let people treat me this way… so why shouldn’t they think that it’s okay?