An Aspiring Go-Go Dancer

A couple months ago I got the opportunity to audition for the position of Go-Go Dancer at a casino. I took a friend with me and later he asked me to write a piece for his blog. Absolutjomo (He's got an awesome site so go check it out.) He wanted something that really shared my thoughts on the experience and just expressed my love of dancing as well. This was what got me thinking toward doing my own blog. And with every good place to start... it's the beginning.

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I had received an email from a friend of mine I hadn’t spoken to in quite some time. Amongst the usual, “here’s what I’m doing now” update, she had included a little side note, almost an after thought. “I saw this ad on Craig’s List,” she explained to me. “It’s apparently for some place that is looking for dancers.” She had immediately thought of me and sent the link in case it was a legitimate deal. Legitimate meaning not another strip joint or Gentleman’s Club looking for impressionable 18 year olds. After looking at the website I decided to find out more, and upon receiving a response, I was seriously excited to think that this may be the opportunity I have been looking for.
I am not, by any means, a classically trained dancer. Once upon a time, in 8th grade, a friend of mine decided to get me to dance with her so that we didn’t have to stand around like everyone else at those school functions. It sort of took off from there. Turning 21 wasn’t about being legally old enough to drink. It was about being able to get into real clubs so I could dance!
That “21 Run” had been researched for clubs specifically known for playing a certain type of music. About the same time I started dancing I had also discovered house music, or techno to everyone else. The genre had slowly grown to be a true passion of mine. After the novelty of being 21 had worn off, it was hard to find friends that wanted to go out and being a poor college student, there just wasn’t enough money to keep paying cover. By 23 I had basically stopped going out.
On a whim a friend of mine and I had decided to be naughty and ventured out to a club in Tacoma that was well known as a ghetto sort of meat-market. No respectable girl would pick up a guy there, nor would any respectable guy take his girl there. Sounded like fun to us. Now this is a huge place, with four floors of entertainment, the main floor being the length of the building. At 9:30 pm the party scene consisted of the bouncers, the bartenders, two DJ’s, and the two of us. As it turned out the main floor DJ was spinning this awesome House set; something completely unexpected for Tacoma. Not a soul on this huge dance floor, it was dark with the party lights going, and the last three songs had been some of my total favorites. I had to dance.
I walked right out there, much to the shock of my friend and danced. I danced my heart out. Everything else ceased to exist. It was just me totally letting loose and moving to music I totally love. No one bumping into me, no girls being judgmental about the way I’m dressed, and no men trying to decide how much to drink before I’m pretty enough to hit on. I closed my eyes and went somewhere completely different. When I came back over to my friend, the bar area was beginning to see life and several more people had just sat by to watch me.
That’s how it really started. That club became our “Cheer’s”. We got to know all those bouncers, bartenders, and DJs. Not because we got drunk and started hitting on random staff, but because we were there every weekend. We hardly drank and we tipped well. We were courteous to everyone we came in contact with. This stuck out to the people who worked there more than anything sort of drunken flirtation.
For me, I just became known as the dancer. I picked up all sorts of nicknames because I was the first on the dance floor at any club I went to. I was also good for business; I got people dancing sooner than normal because I broke the ice. I am your average, club-going person that doesn’t seem freaked out by the emptiness. All sorts of people would tell me that they admired me for having the courage to face a full room and yet an empty dance floor. Some would say that it was because of me they had the courage to get up and dance to their favorite song. It’s really sad how much of a DJ’s set is wasted because people need to get drunk first or just sit around waiting for some else to get things started.
Almost five years later, dancing is just a way of life to me now. I have to do it to keep my sanity. I go out alone. Yes, I go without other people, to dance the night away at whatever club. The people I’m close to know that when I’m getting really stressed out and cranky, that I haven’t been dancing. I really have no other source of release in my life, the way that dancing has come to be for me. Not only is it my exercise routine, it is also my time to really just let loose and relax.
Now for the record I have to clear up some misconceptions. Being known as the Clubbing Queen, this does not mean a number of things that automatically run through the general public’s head. I am not an alcoholic, nymphomaniac, airhead that takes home a random ugly guy every night. When I dance I hardly drink, if at all. As for men, I’ve gotten so use to dancing alone that guys seem to get in the way now. The pick up lines and cell number exchanges, that’s saved for later when he’s proven he can keep up with me on the dance floor. As for the nymphomaniac charge … well that’s none of your damn business.
How do I do it? That’s the question I get asked the most. I’m not one of those boldly gorgeous people that have tons of grace and deserve to be confident. I’m a simple girl that didn’t start wearing make-up until the night I turned 21. Clubbing clothes weren’t about looking sexy and showing skin; it was about surviving. Dancing for four hours straight in a club packed with bodies gets damn hot!
What it is about is a love for the music. Dancing is just one way of getting involved and expressing yourself to that music. That is why a person should dance for the love of the music and the feeling of dancing to it. Not because you look great, or you want to pick up some hot chick that is dancing alone, or because your drunk enough to think your Usher. Well correction; plenty of people have an awesome time at clubs for those three reasons alone. That’s just not how I see it. Those three reasons are also why people can’t just walk out to the floor at any time to dance.
The bottom line is that people as a society are deathly afraid of looking stupid in front of their peers. That is what keeps people from doing a million fun things when you really think about it. It’s not that I was never afraid of looking stupid. I’m not so sure that I don’t look stupid even now. Honestly, I’ve gotten years of positive feedback from complete strangers that didn’t automatically ask for my phone number in their next breath. Men and women alike have told me that they admire my passion or my style or even just my courage to be out there alone. Each time it was easier to go out there and just do what I felt.
In that love of the music, it’s different for everyone. House and Hip Hop are like two sides of the same coin to me. I love dancing to both for different reasons. House is something that just makes me want to move. Even if I’m just sitting down appreciating a DJ specifically, I’m still moving in my chair. I can’t help it. House takes me to a different place and sweeps me up into the sounds and experiences. It’s also an individualistic experience. I’ve never been able to dance with some else. It’s like my own private time to let loose and let my passion for that song or style really take hold of me.
Hip Hop is like an old favorite. These are songs you hear on the radio, songs you and all your friends know the words and can sing along to without feeling stupid. I’ve always seen it as more playful and interactive. I’m more likely to put on a show to Hip Hop, dancing a certain way, singing along and trying to get everyone else to join me.
That point brings me back to the audition opportunity that came out of nowhere. After receiving the reply that all the General Manager needed was a picture of me, I began a frantic search for something that would merely prove I was not the hunchback of Notre dam. Actually I have plenty of party pictures, but they’re of me after I’ve stashed my hair into a stringy ponytail, and my face is flushed both with sweat and from the exercise. Not exactly the gorgeous image I wanted to send to a future employer.
The evening of the audition I was nervous as hell. The previous night I had gone out and danced in two different clubs, getting my House and Hip Hop fix. Having been a month or more since I had been out, I needed the reminder as to my ability and the renewal of my passions as it was. When I walked in the door I was little disappointed with the size and the venue itself. This was no “night club”. This was a casino that was trying to get you to drink somewhere other than in front of the slot machine. Besides the nervous focus of my own performance, I was seriously worried about the one other girl that I was auditioning at the same time with. I figured with my luck she would be a gorgeous ex-stripper and I would be left overwhelmingly intimidated and three thousand times more nervous.
As it turned out the other girl auditioning was just another person like me; interested in the opportunity, but just as nervous. She even shared the fact that she had no experience club dancing. She’d only done more dramatic style stage performances. As the night proceeded I became over-confident. When we auditioned I was surprised to see that from the way she was dancing, it didn’t appear from her style that she had ever listened to Hip Hop in her life. She did an amazing job improvising if that case was true. I on the other hand was singing along with every song, loving life, and having an awesome time. Whether I looked sexy, making men drool and want to rush out onto the dance floor, I have no idea. And I think probably not. But I had a great time dancing as I always do, and for reasons I’ve always believed in. Have fun because I’m having fun and the song is awesome.
Before leaving I talked with two other girls that were hesitant about auditioning at a later date, after sticking around to watch the dancers that were already working for the casino. I reminded them that the money was good and the job would be fun. On the other hand, if you don’t love to dance the long nights of an empty dance floor would get on your nerves. Do it for the love of dancing or it’s really not for you.
Now as to my personal chances at being called back, it depends on what they were looking for. If they were looking for the same old Go-Go dancers that just shimmy about in one place with skimpy outfits that keep them from really moving for fear of accidentally showing more, then I am not your girl. If they’re looking for someone to add energy and try to get people up and on the floor because I look like I’m having fun. Then I am your woman. Wish me luck!

Epilogue

In a nutshell I didn’t get the job. After writing the General Manager about the outcome of the auditions and hoping for some feedback I received a rather harshly worded response that left me feeling none of the confidence that I had walked out of the audition with more than a week prior.
I had been really confident that I had shown my best ability and if they chose not to hire me it would be based on differences in style. The email left me feeling like I had never been the dancer I hoped I was, ever. Ironically as I took this rejection to heart, the people who have either been out with me or at least seen me dance have all stepped in to reassure me. One friend of mine actually suggested that managers must have me confused with the other girl I had auditioned with since our names were similar. Who really knows? All I know is that I plan to keep my eyes and ears open for the chance to try again. Maybe some day I’ll get the chance I only got a taste of back in Tacoma; two separate nights spent up on a balcony barely built to regulation. It was the experience of a lifetime and I will seek out the chance to do it for a living.