When You're Not Looking

After a long and strangely emotional week, Saturday being the worst, I went out with some co-workers to our usual spot for some drinks and some major unwinding. Problem was I carried over the stupid social paranoia from the workday, into my evening. Then again after having an emotional meltdown in front of people you work with, I think it seems natural that I ended up wondering if the people I was now drinking with were still pondering what a loser I was.
All of that aside it ended up being a good night full of laughs. That’s what I love about the people I work with and I’m glad that they’re not women. Men and their short-term memories mean they don’t hold grudges. If they do remember then they give you shit about it, but it’s nothing personal. It’s another reason to laugh at the situation and your self in retrospect. Being able to laugh at your self is seriously important. People without this skill will die of a heart attack or any other stress related problem at the age of thirty. I don’t plan on being that person, although I have no trouble admitting it’s damn hard.
After a healthy buzz I headed out to the club to see what sort of trouble I could stir up. I was in a standoffish mood yet I was sincerely lonely. Walking into my favorite Saturday spot, I really expected just to dance the night away like I had earlier that week, and go home alone with nothing really to speak of when it came to meeting someone. I was still working on my idea that nothing happens when you’re looking. Love is famous for broadsiding a person; it gets you when you least expect it. Like with the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus I wasn’t going to get anywhere by standing guard, I had to go on with my life and stop trying so hard.
The club was busy when I walked in which was definitely encouraging since it was early yet. After taking a walk through the main floor I headed downstairs to check my coat and see my bartender friend. I needed a hot guy to be happy to see me for just a moment. Unfortunately Shannon wasn’t there, but another friend from Tacoma, Max, was behind the bar. Now Max is hot as well, but he’s never been that happy to see me. I wanted a self-esteem boost not toleration. Moving to the edge of an already jumping hip hop scene I watched wondering if I should go back upstairs where it was empty or stay put. Then I remembered that every man I’ve met at this club was downstairs, with the exception of one; and that hadn’t gone well anyway.
Squeezing my way to a spot on the floor I started to dance and just ignore the crowd. It was another night of hot guys with girlfriends, and creepy looking guys on the prowl. If I ignored everyone I figured I’d be fine. I remember thinking that the guy that was dancing nearby was really tall and that he had at least given me an appreciative look. I really didn’t feel like I was dressed to kill nor was I feeling very sexy as it was. Someone thought I looked pretty good so I started to relax. I was here to have fun not glare around the room with a chip on my shoulder.
As I continued to dance the tall guy moved more and more my way. I starting to struggle with the idea that he might actually want to dance with me and I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet someone. Here I was over analyzing the whole situation of a doomed relationship and the guy was just dancing next to me, nothing more. Shaking it off with my usual brand of pessimism I noticed a very cute girl nearby and figured I was being vain and not the object of his attention anyway.
For some reason this made me feel better. When I usually want to live out load and be noticed whenever possible, lately I was taking refuge in my before hated invisibility. I could dance and watch other people, without anyone noticing me. Yet this guy kept grabbing my attention. He was very good looking and white, which had been my streak as of late but not my usual cup of tea. Among my friends I’m well known for my tastes in “brown boys”. He was also tall and broad shouldered which was something I really missed. Since my first boyfriend, everyone I had dated after that had been either my height or shorter, making me feel like an Amazon Woman and making it tough to dance. All of that aside I was still determined that I was going to be alone tonight. That determination got thrown out the window as that tentative moment came when I, being entirely dense as I can be, realized that he is trying to dance with me.
Even as I sit back and think about the night, I know that there was this hazy moment when I continued to struggle with the idea of meeting someone that night. Yet something deep inside told me to let go and see what could happen. On the shallow surface he made all the marks. He was well dressed, good looking, danced like he loved it, and was treating me with a brand of respect. He wasn’t just all up on me; he kept his distance and yet showed interest. So slowly I let him in. From that moment on, I remember thinking that the usual feeling of caution or wariness was completely absent. There was just something about him that seemed open and honestly interesting. After a couple songs he introduced himself as Dominick. I hate trying to pronounce my name on the dance floor. It’s a simple name, four letters long, plain and ordinary but has letters that can sound a million different ways. I usually ended up spelling it out for the guy, so that he doesn’t end up calling me by some less than flattering alternative. Maybe Jimmy had it figured out by just calling me “B” and stopping at that.
While dancing I happened to look over and came face to face with Ben, a co-worker and good friend of mine. Prior to turning twenty-one he and I had made a deal, I would go flying for the first time with Ben when he got his pilots license if he would go clubbing for the first time with me. He’s the type of guy that would rather sit around someone’s living room and drink. The next step up would be a bar, but never a club and certainly no dancing at any point. I ended up taking Ben and his friend Alex with me to this very club and they had ended up having an awesome time, to include dancing. I remember them both being drunk as I was driving them home and having them both say, “That was fun! Can we go again next weekend?” I was really proud that I had not only helped them find the fun in dancing and going to clubs, but Ben had returned to this club and brought his girlfriend Kelly.
We talked for a second and Ben kept eyeing the guy I was dancing with, in that big brother protective sort of way. Dominick on the other hand was wondering whom it was I was talking to. There’s always that moment when the guy your dancing with isn’t sure if you’re just tolerating him and will walk off at any second. Any guy you talk to in the mean time could turn out to be a boyfriend or some other sort of confrontation. Ladies take my advice; watch your interactions with the opposite sex if you are truly interested in the one you’re dancing with. Guys are pessimistic by nature and it takes little to scare one off. I was too excited at the time that Ben had returned to this club on his own, that I had to turn and share the story of who he was and why I thought it was so cool. I also made sure to mention that I was so happy Ben had brought his girlfriend. After that Dominick and I ended up heading to the bar for a drink. I was getting tired and really hot. He was a great dancer and giving me a run for my money.
While at the bar it seemed impossibly loud and I ended up heading for Max, knowing that he would easily guess what I wanted to drink. We talked for a moment and shook hands. Just looking at Max makes me miss the old days down in Tacoma. If I had had this blog then, man the stories I could have told. Then again I might just post some of the best ones. Stay tuned. Anyway, after the drink we talked for a moment. The more time I spent with the guy the more I was starting to like him. He was having a great time, and I knew that if I walked away at any point he would just go right back out on the dance floor and keep dancing. He was out to have fun that night and I really liked that about him.
Back on the dance floor, I looked up again and saw a girl I use to know. She was a cocktail waitress from the same club that Shannon worked at in Tacoma. I had spent a lot of time at that club after Shannon had left mostly because I was dating, or trying to, one of the other bartenders. Many a late night I had spent with the waitresses and bartenders getting steak and eggs at four in the morning. I can’t remember her name now for the life of me but we recognized each other right off and did that silly girl hug thing. Dominick leaned forward to laugh about the fact that I seemed to know everyone. It was just a little Rock Star moment but one none the less.
As the night went on, I had a blast dancing with Dominick. The basement was still packing in and I was just overheated and tired of being bumped into downstairs. At his suggestion we went up for some air on the main floor. That’s when I sort of got caught up. Even though I was tired the music caught my attention and renewed my energy. DJ Hyperfunk was spinning some awesome House and the dance floor was full but not jam-packed. I didn’t think that Dominick was into House music, so I didn’t know if he’d be willing to stay up there and dance. He surprised me again, and we danced up there for a while. Ben and Kelly went by and let me know they were going to check out one of the other clubs near by. They ended up just coming back.
I noticed that Kelly had jumped up on the stage and I was really surprised how she turned out to be a good dancer. I turned to point her out to Dominick and he pushed me forward, telling me to, “Go get her.” I ended up jumping up on stage next to Kelly and even up onto the platforms to do my thing. Dominick got me a drink and watched with his friends from a table. This is a moment when I’m afraid that the guy will think that I’ve left him, and won’t come back. Dancing up on that platform is just a momentary bit of fun and when I’m truly exhausted then I’ll be back on the floor. Or there’s always the possibility of the exact opposite, that I’ll look so stupid that he’ll be too embarrassed to be seen with me after I get down.
Neither seemed to be the case. We danced all the way till two in the morning. Hyperfunk made the announcement that he would be having a CD release party next Thursday and that anyone who walked through the door that night would get a copy of his CD. Now that sounded like fun, especially since I knew that Thursday’s was Open House night for that club, and that meant free cover and House music all night.
Walking me to my car, I gave Dominick my number and after saying something about catching a cab he turned to walk away. I watched him head down the length of the parking lot and something inside screamed that I shouldn’t let him go just yet. Calling out his name, I asked if I could give him a ride home but once he was in my car it ended up being a trip to Denny’s for breakfast. I wanted to get to know him better and I certainly wasn’t ready to let him out of my sight just yet.
The rest of the night, or should I say morning was awesome. It was just strange how comfortable we felt with each other. Life is interesting that way and I have only the best of hopes that Dominick and I have some more good times ahead of us. He’s awesome, gorgeous and a great dancer. I couldn’t ask for more. Well maybe that I don’t screw it up.